The Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Father and Mother
When I was a kid, I thought “Honor your father and mother” basically meant don’t talk back and clean your room. But as I’ve grown older—and become a parent myself—I’ve realized this commandment goes much deeper than simple obedience.
It’s about learning to live in a posture of honor—not just toward our parents, but toward all authority, and ultimately, toward God. Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
This verse marks a turning point in the Ten Commandments. The first four deal with our relationship with God. The next six deal with our relationship with others. And God, in His wisdom, starts the second section with the family—because that’s where honor begins.
The Shift in Commandments
The home is the training ground for love, respect, and relationship. Jesus reiterated this commandment in Matthew 15 and 19, and Paul expanded on it in Ephesians 6:1–3, calling it “the first commandment with a promise.” He said, “Honor your father and mother… that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
In other words, honor isn’t just a moral suggestion—it’s a principle that carries blessing. When we honor properly, life flows in the right direction. Honor isn’t just about manners; it’s about alignment. When we honor, we align ourselves with the heart of our heavenly Father.
The Power of Honor
We live in a culture that often celebrates rebellion and mocks authority. But in God’s kingdom, honor opens doors that talent and ambition never can. When honor is present, blessing flows. When it’s absent, disorder follows. Here are three powerful truths about what it means to live with honor:
1. Honor When It’s Hard
For some, this commandment brings joy. For others, it brings pain. Not everyone grew up in a healthy or loving home. Some have experienced abuse, neglect, or brokenness.Honoring your parents doesn’t mean denying your wounds or ignoring injustice. It doesn’t mean staying in harm’s way or pretending everything’s fine.
It means starting with honoring God first. When I honor God, I choose to let Him heal what others have broken. I may need to set boundaries. I may need counseling or wise support. But by putting God first, I refuse to let pain define my posture.
God never asks us to endure abuse—but He does call us to walk in forgiveness, because forgiveness frees us even when reconciliation isn’t possible.
2. Breaking Negative Cycles
I’ve often said, “Hurting people hurt people.” And it’s true. But here’s the good news: healed people can stop the cycle. If you grew up in dysfunction, you have the power through Christ to change that legacy. You don’t have to repeat what was modeled for you. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the past—it releases its control over your future. When we forgive, we make space for God to restore what was broken. We start new patterns of peace and blessing that ripple into the next generation.
3. Honoring Imperfect Parents
Every parent is flawed—including me. When I think back to my own parents, I realize they did the best they could with the knowledge, maturity, and resources they had. As I’ve matured, I’ve learned to give grace for their humanity. Parenting is hard. None of us get it right all the time.
Honoring our parents isn’t about pretending they were perfect—it’s about recognizing their effort, their sacrifice, and the role they played in shaping us. And when we extend grace to our parents, we often find a deeper grace for ourselves.
The Importance of Authority
Honor doesn’t stop at home—it starts there. God is a God of order, and learning to honor authority in the home prepares us to respect authority everywhere else: in church, in work, in government, and in life.We can’t say we honor God while dishonoring the people He’s placed in our lives. That doesn’t mean blind obedience—it means recognizing that respect is the soil where blessing grows. When we live in a culture of honor, we make space for God’s peace to reign.
Why This Matters Today
We’re living in a world that celebrates independence but desperately needs interdependence. The breakdown of honor in the home is mirrored in the chaos we see in society. If we can restore honor in our homes, we can begin to restore honor in our communities. And it all starts with how we treat the people closest to us.
Conclusion: Let Honor Flow
Honor isn’t outdated—it’s divine. It aligns us with heaven’s culture. It positions us under God’s blessing. And it reflects the heart of Jesus, who perfectly honored His Father even unto death. So whether your parents were loving or distant, faithful or flawed, you can still choose honor. Start by honoring God. Set healthy boundaries if you need to. Forgive where it hurts. Extend grace where it’s due.
Because when honor flows through our hearts, our homes, and our churches, blessing follows. And the God who gave this commandment still keeps His promise— “That it may go well with you, and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
-Greg
